3 Tips For Dealing With Friends Once You Become A Newlywed
Those of us who are married can tell you that it isn’t easy, but if you have a loving spouse it’s worth it. Saying “I do” comes with a lot of changes, and those around you may have a hard time adjusting to your new role—especially friends you are very close with. This can cause problems between you and your spouse, so setting boundaries is a must. Becoming a spouse is difficult enough. Here are a few tips to help you make your transition from full-time bestie to full-time wifey (or hubby) a little smoother.
1. Explain to them that your spouse now comes first
This isn’t a no-brainer for everyone. If your friend has always been #1 in your life, suddenly becoming #2 won’t exactly feel good. Your newfound duties as a husband or a wife may leave them feeling stiffed. If your friend is having a hard time with this adjustment, you may have to sit them down and explain the basics of your new role and why things have to change. Do this in a loving way. Assure them that your spouse now comes first, but that doesn’t mean they automatically comes last. They’re still an important part of your life, they just have a new position now.
2. Don’t Completely Abandon Them
Some people feel that married people should no longer maintain friendships with their single friends. I disagree. If you’re lucky enough to have a true friend you should do everything you can to maintain that friendship. Don’t let your newlywed responsibilities consume you to the point that you to completely neglect your friends. Continue to include them in your life, but make sure you do it in a way that your spouse is okay with. Do they always come over unannounced? From now on maybe they should call first. Do they usually stay until the early hours of the morning? Maybe they should leave when your spouse is ready for bed. Are they used to loaning money from you? Talk to your spouse first before you let them borrow. These are just a few examples. As long as your friend issupportive and respectful of your marriage the friendship can remain. Make it a point to spend quality time with them on a consistent basis (one that your spouse won’t mind) so they don’t feel abandoned.
3. Encourage Them To Become Friends With Your Spouse, Too
Okay. I know this can get sticky, but I’m talking about genuine friendships—not frenemies. Again, marriage is hard enough. You can no longer afford frenemies. If your spouse and friend don’t know each other well, encouraging a friendship between them may be a good idea. Of course, it’s your spouse and your friend, so draw the line where you feel comfortable. Maybe including your friend on a date or two will ease any resentments that may be brewing between them. Becoming friends will allow them to trust each other, which will in turn allow them to trust each other with you. They’ll know apart from themselves you are in good hands, which will allow them to support both your marriage and your friendship.